One of the perks of researching alternative medicine and writing a blog about it is that one rarely runs out of good laughs. In perfect accordance with ERNST’S LAW, I have recently been entertained, amused, even thrilled by a flurry of ad hominem attacks most of which are true knee-slappers. I would like to take this occasion to thank my assailants for their fantasy and tenacity. Most days, these ad hominem attacks really do make my day.
I can only hope they will continue to make my days a little more joyous. My fear, however, is that they might, one day, run out of material. Even today, their claims are somewhat repetitive:
Come on, you feeble-minded fantasists must be able to do better! Isn’t it time to bring something new?
Yes, I know, innovation is not an easy task. The best ad hominem attacks are, of course, always based on a kernel of truth. In that respect, the ones that have been repeated ad nauseam are sadly wanting. Therefore I have decided to provide all would-be attackers with some true and relevant facts from my life. These should enable them to invent further myths and use them as ammunition against me.
Sounds like fun? Here we go:
Both my grandfather and my father were both doctors
This part of my family history could be spun in all sorts of intriguing ways. For instance, one could make up a nice story about how I, even as a child, was brain-washed to defend the medical profession at all cost from the onslaught of non-medical healers.
Ahhhh, did he perhaps mistreat me and start me off on my crusade against homeopathy? Surely, there must be a nice ad hominem attack in here!
I studied psychology at Munich but did not finish it
Did I give up psychology because I discovered a manic obsession or other character flaw deeply hidden in my soul?
I then studied medicine (also in Munich) and made a MD thesis in the area of blood clotting
No doubt this is pure invention. Where are the proofs of my qualifications? Are the data in my thesis real or invented?
My 1st job as a junior doctor was in a homeopathic hospital in Munich
Yes, but why did I leave? Surely they found out about me and fired me.
I had hands on training in several forms of alternative medicine, including homeopathy
Easy to say, but where are the proofs?
I moved to London where I worked in St George’s Hospital conducting research in blood rheology
Another invention? Where are the published papers to document this?
I went back to Munich university where I continued this line of research and was awarded a PhD
Another thesis? Again with dodgy data? Where can one see this document?
I became Professor Rehabilitation Medicine first at Hannover Medical School and later in Vienna
How did that happen? Did I perhaps bribe the appointment panels?
In 1993, I was appointed to the Chair in Complementary Medicine at Exeter university
Yes, we all know that; but why did I not direct my efforts towards promoting alternative medicine?
In Exeter, together with a team of ~20 colleagues, we published > 1000 papers on alternative medicine, more than anyone else in that field
Impossible! This number clearly shows that many of these articles are fakes or plagiaries.
My H-Index is currently >80
Same as above.
In 2012, I became Emeritus Professor of the University of Exeter
I HOPE I CAN RELY ON ALL OF MY AD HOMINEM ATTACKERS TO USE THIS INFORMATION AND RENDER THE ASSAULTS MORE DIVERSE, REAL AND INTERESTING.